I could have written an entry a loooong time ago but I was too busy getting my car detailed. I got fuckin suspended today for some bull. Ok, maybe I'm frontin. If I was the principal ,I would have suspended me to but hey whatever the hell. We got this new kid on the block about a month ago and word around town was that he was what they call a "homo." I found him extremly hot, but I never expressed that to anyone. DUHHH! remember folks, I'm still in the closet.  Today of all days, he decides to sit with me at lunch. Ok big deal, i just didn't talk to him. I tried not to look at him, DIDN'T WORK! He had to have been staring at me because once our eyes met, I swear I couldn't get the kid to shut up. We became best friends in a matter of five minutes.My inner being was thrilled but my outer being was showing more anger than a little bit. Of  course I couldn't be seen talking to this shit hole, that would just give my whole identity away. I can be dumb sometimes, lets not forget I'm still a male.

Well anyway, i get up to empty my tray and he does the same. Now I'm becoming irritated because I could have sworn that gave a good enough hint when I got up from the table. Ohhhh noooo, he wants to continue to run off at the mouth and tag behind me like a lost puppy. I actually liked it, no no, I loved it! couldn't let it show though.  I HAVE A REPUTATION PEOPLE! I don't think I would have punched him in his nose if my friend hadn't walked up on me while he was trying to talk to me. I felt a hint of embarrasment,which turn into undeniable anger which in turn caused me to swing around and punch that hot male speciman in the nose.  Cody called my cell a few ago and told me i broke it. Man, I feel like crap. I would have rather kissed him in the nose than punched him.
To add to the frustration I had to go and pick my girlfriend, Leslie up from school and listen to her grip about how stupid I was for getting suspended,. She only fuckin felt that way because she couldn't see me through out the day for a while. Selfish trick! The whole time we were riding to her house, I wanted to haul off and punch her right in the nose to. I guess today, I'm a little violent but hell you would be too if you had all this garbage built up inside you. I just want to tell the whole world that I'm a gay boy who love gay boys and who dress better than your average chic. Just the thought of that puts a smile on my face.

My father was so proud that I put that "homo," as he calls it, in his place. He gave me a couple hundred just to go shopping to waste time until school let out. How can you tell a person who is soley against same sex relationships, that you are gay. FUCK ME MAN! no punt intended.(did i spell that right?)

I guess for some, I need to grab your attention before you leave. I'm a 17 year old all american football player from Texas who has come to realize I'm gay! Shocked! maybe not. It's the millenium why the hell should anyone care? My story is alot deeper than it seems. The personal demons I deal with everyday have caused me to become a "loner." Don't get it misunderstood, I have many many friends and a hot azz girlfriend that everyone wants. I'm top of my class and the NFL is right around the corner for me. My father is the CEO of a fortune 500 company and my mother is a surgeon. I'm the only child and I pretty much have everything that a highschool kid could want, except for......... we 'll get to that part later. I'm considered to be the hottest thing on the market right now, something like a "hot seller."

Some people might find my story a little spoliy but who cares.So let me introduce the most important people in my life. Leslie, my girlfriend has been in my life since we were 7. My best friend, Cody has been my left hand man since daycare age. I know you're wondering what the hell I'm doing with a girlfriend if I'm gay. She doesn't fuckin know but eventually she will find out. Ok so now, you're calling me an asshole because I'm eventually going to break her heart. Once again, who give's a shit what you think. Shit happens! I will say when she does find out, she is going to have more to deal with than just me being gay.

The question is when did i I figure out I was gay? I have known since I was a kid. I use to play with other little boys penises when I was in daycare. NO MOLESTATION PEOPLE!! I'm sure they are into men now as well. My attraction has always been toward boys and not girls. I guess thats the way of life. The only reason why I haven't come out is because I wouldn't be excepted by ANYONE in my life. NOR will they except the fact that I'm in love with another man! wow where did that come from? This is the demise of my life. He doesn't know that I'm in love with him and I'm not sure he will ever know. Well, I can't say that because I will eventually get up enough nerve to tell him but right now, it's not going to happen. I'm stuck with the issue that he won't feel the same way but I still have the hope that I just might be his out. Plus he belongs to someone else, another woman that is. We will see what happens!